My partner is violent

Violence or other forms of abuse — financial, emotional, verbal, or sexual — in your relationship makes your job as a parent exceptionally hard. People who work with victims recognize that keeping children safe in a violent home requires great strength. They also know that you may have good reasons for staying in an abusive relationship.

The safety of your children depends on your safety. Women may find help by contacting the nearest Specialized Victim Assistance Program, Wife Assault Centre, Transition House, Women's Centre, or Stopping the Violence Counselling Program. Call VictimLink BC at 1-800-563-0808 for contact numbers for any of the above centres or programs.

Men who face abuse in their relationship may be able to get legal help from family duty counsel. Duty counsel are lawyers located in most provincial courts who provide free legal advice.

Other information sources are available through the BC Institute Against Family Violence and the Ending Violence Association of BC.

What if I decide to leave my abusive relationship?

If you're a woman in an abusive relationship, you may decide to go to a transition house with your children. If this is the case, your abusive partner may continue to threaten you. For example, your abuser or his family may threaten to have your children taken away or to report you to the ministry. You should know that you won't lose your children just because your ex-partner makes unfounded complaints about you to the ministry. Such threats from your ex-partner are especially likely if you're in the middle of a custody dispute. Your ex-partner could try to discredit you as a parent.

If a social worker comes to investigate, make sure you mention any violence or threats that you or your children have experienced, as well as any calls you've made to the police. Inform the social worker of any court orders or procedures already underway. Not all social workers understand what women and children living with violence go through. Some may even blame you for the violence or expect you to control your abuser’s behaviour. But the abuser is responsible for the abusive behaviour, not you.

If you want to get a divorce and legal custody, find a lawyer either privately or through legal aid. See How to get a lawyer. You may qualify for legal aid if you meet the financial guidelines. Tell your lawyer immediately about your abusive relationship. Mediation isn't recommended in cases of relationship violence or abuse.

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